That one time I had a stalker, but it turned out alright in the end
March 12, 2014
Well, hello, my lovely readers!
You know how in some of my other posts I seemed to reference a life-changing experience that I said was a story for another time? Well, it is that time. I know you’ve all been dying to know, especially with this post’s title.
Here we go!
Let’s set the stage:
It was New Year’s Eve of my 15th year. Soon to turn 16, I knew that I would be starting my dating experiences (If you didn’t know, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Typically, the youth don’t start dating until age 16.). However, this was not what was on my mind at the time of the dance. I was excited to see my best friend whom I had not seen for quite sometime, plus I just really wanted to take pictures. I was in a red dress with those loops on part of the skirt that go on your fingers that make you look like you have wings. I looked great. And silly. (but mostly great.)
So, there I was, minding my own business and spending time with friends when a boy I didn’t know semi-flirted with me from afar. I was just a silly girl, so I giggled. (I was also in a fantastic mood because I was at a dance and I LOVE dances…) Before the end of the night, this boy-let’s call him “Norman”for now-asked me for my phone number. The first thing he said to me was “Do you have a boyfriend?” which should have been a red flag, but I was flattered that someone would ask me that question. I told him I didn’t and that I was 15, so I hadn’t started going on dates yet. Then he asked me for my phone number. Although I did not find him all that attractive, I was (again) flattered, so I gave it to him.
When I got home that night, I told my parents about the dance and about “Norman”. As I was talking to them, he called me to wish me a Happy New Year and to ask me if he could ask me on my first date. I was excited and said that he was welcome to. After that phone call, I told my parents what had happened. My mom then asked me a question that pretty much altered my life.
Up to that point, my parents had always asked my brothers not to steady date or have their first kiss until after they had served a 2 year mission for our church, and they had both kept that promise. With my first date approaching, my mom asked me what I thought should be the rule for me, since I didn’t have the same obligation to a mission.
As I thought about it for a good few minutes, I realized that it shouldn’t be a double standard, just because I was the only girl. I answered that I felt that I should not have a boyfriend or have my first kiss with anyone, unless they were a returned missionary with whom I could marry in the Temple.
To this day, I have kept that promise to my parents and, more importantly, to myself. I have had to make the same decision a few times since then, and each time I am glad that I didn’t give in. I knew what I wanted then and I still want the same thing now. That’s the happy part of this story.
“But wait! I thought this Norman person was a stalker? Where does that come in?”
That comes in 3….2….1….
The next day (or the same day if you count what time it was when he called) Norman called again to talk to me a little more. And then he kept calling me…
One of the questions he asked me was how I felt about the whole church standard of not dating before 16. I should have seen it as another red flag, but I didn’t and took it as he didn’t care much since my birthday was in a month. I told him I planned to follow through with those standards, and he seemed a little disappointed, but in a playful way.
I think that phone call lasted an hour or so…
Then he kept calling, sometimes 3 times in a day over the next 3 weeks. I only answered occasionally, and each time things got a little more strange. (Also, I found out that he was 18… That was too much an age gap for me.)
I clearly remember the final conversation we had and that it was VERY uncomfortable for me. He had been upset because he had been fired for stealing out of the cash register (RIGHT?? RED FLAGS!!!!) and that he didn’t steal anything. I was freaked out enough by the conversation and could only say things like “I’m sorry” and “I hope it all turns out right”, but then he had to go and say one phrase that stumped me. “It’s too bad you aren’t here to cuddle with me…” Um, EXCUSE ME?? I didn’t even know the dude, plus I was 15… There are quite a few choice words I could use now to tell him where he belongs, but at the time all I could do was nervously laugh. Which apparently made it worse.
“Wait… Does that mean it’s a possibility?” Was his next sentence. My reply was to talk about my standards and basically said “get thee hence” in the nicest way possible. He had to get off the phone right after that for some reason. My mom said it was probably because he had a friend listening in on the phone call and I shot him down and embarrassed him. Whatever the reason, I was glad the conversation was over.
I stopped answering his calls and blocked him on facebook after that. He kept calling me for TWO MONTHS after that. I was even worried that he would try to talk to me at the next multi-stake dance, so I had two of my guy friends there as my bodyguards. Norman was there, but he left me alone. Oddly enough, I don’t even know if he recognized me.
The even sadder part is that I found out years later that he had been dating two other girls at the same time who would become my dear friends. The creep…
The happy part is that from that experience I have been safe from harmful situations because of the decision I made to not steady date any one who wasn’t an RM. That doesn’t mean that all cases are the same, but it does mean that I have kept a promise to myself and I am stronger for it. At this point in my life I can say that I have no regrets and that my first kiss still has the opportunity to be everything I want it to be. At 20 years of age, I still have fairytale idealistic dreams of love. I don’t want to come home crying after the date like Mia Thermopolis did in “The Princess Diaries” movie saying that “my foot didn’t even pop!” Instead, I want to be floating on air and in love.
Some say I have high expectations. I would agree! However, those expectations are keeping me safe for now. 😀
So there you go! That’s the story! And another glimpse into my life. Now you know I am a romantic! (As if you didn’t already know…)