Well, here we are. I’ve been home for a short time, but I have to return to my other home in Utah.
The past few days have been hectic and sometimes painful (YOU try getting your ears pierced for the first time at age 23), but they have been wonderful.
If I ever learn anything while being at home, it’s that I love my parents even more every time I see them. Hugs from your parents (when your parents are as loving as mine) have some sort of healing powers. I’ve still had anxiety while here, but my depression has been gone.
Being an adult is hard. I’ve been feeling like I’m in limbo between being an adult and being a kid for such a long time, that I think I missed the point when I actually crossed over into adulthood. Part of that transition is me making the decision to go back to Utah when I really have no logical reason to be there. I don’t have a job waiting for me. I’m not dating or interested in anyone up there.
What I do have is the feeling that, for some reason or another, God needs me in Utah at this point in my life. Either it’s that I need it, or someone out there needs me. Whatever the reason, I’m choosing to follow the spiritual prompting I had a few weeks ago. For now, I need to live in Utah.
The good thing is that I’m not on my own up there. I’ve got my grandparents, my best friends, and mentors who are happy to meet with me when I need them. So, I have a support system.
The hard part is knowing what I am leaving to go back to Utah for possibly at least another year. I’m leaving my family. My parents. My brothers. My sister-in-law. My dog. And a lot of memories—some good, some bad.
The hardest part is leaving my mom when I know she needs me. Sure, we have cell phones and Skype, but she and I thrive on being near each other. We are better together. I’m better when I’m with her. Even when the dark days come, she can pull me out quicker than anything or anyone else.
Sometimes God asks us to do hard things. Sometimes he asks us to leave our comfort zones and step out into the darkness of uncertainty and just trust that we aren’t going to fall. Or trust that if we do fall, he’ll catch us.
So here we go. I’m heading back to Utah and trying to hold fast and trust that God knows what he’s doing. I’m leaving my family once again, this time to do I don’t know what yet. My life is in God’s hands.
One day I’ll look back and know why I so desperately needed to be in Utah this summer. Until that day, I’m going to keep hoping. Keep praying. I’m going to do my best to hold fast to my faith that God will provide the answers I seek. He’s done it before in my life, so why should this time be any different?
This summer’s going to be bumpy, but I’m facing it head on. After all, I am a daughter of God and I can do hard things.