It’s been a while since I’ve written anything expressly religious and church today gave me quite a bit to reflect on.
I’ve been having a difficult time with some things that have left me feeling a little lost lately. It’s not that my faith has wavered, but more that I’ve been feeling a little alone and ignored (hence the last post). Today, I was reminded of the power of Christ’s atonement and what that means for me, personally. I was reminded of His grace and mercy and how personal of an act it was.
If you don’t know, I believe that Christ not only suffered on the cross, but also in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was betrayed. I believe that he suffered the pains of our sins and our sorrows. I believe that he’s felt every awful thing we could and will ever go through. And I believe he did it so that we would never have to feel the sting of those things alone.
Until recently, I don’t think I really knew what it meant to have a “broken heart and contrite spirit.” Like, I’ve had ideas of what it meant, but I’ve never really had to feel the extent of what that means. This week, when I felt like stuff hit the fan, I was able to experience it. And I was able to experience an even stronger portion of God’s love for me. Of Christ’s love for me.
Sometimes, sin hurts. It doesn’t matter if it’s something bigger, or as simple as saying something you shouldn’t have. Couple that with depression and anxiety and you’ve got a self-deprecation cocktail made to hit you exactly in all the wrong places. Thankfully, I knew who to turn to.
I know it doesn’t always happen like this for everyone, but for me the relief of knowing that I am loved and that I can be better was immediate after crying to my Father in Heaven. When you feel like all is lost and then have an immediate feeling of love and support engulfing you, it’s something beyond description.
My trials still aren’t over. Anxiety and depression don’t just go away. Loneliness lingers a long time. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends by my side who make the loneliness a little easier to bear. One of those friends is my savior.
It’s interesting to be able to feel so close to someone who sometimes feels so far away. I don’t remember what Christ looks like, but I do believe that I knew him well before I came to this earth. I think we all knew him. It’s kind of cool to think that the creator of the universe knows your name. Jesus Christ knows who I am, he knows my name, and he hears when I cry because I feel like I’m without someone who understands. The beauty is that he does understand. I just have to remember that.
I guess what I’m saying is that it doesn’t matter how far gone or lost you think you are, it’s still possible to come back and feel God’s love. It’s still possible to feel loved beyond description. When we allow Christ to work his grace into our lives, we can feel the sweet relief that comes from his mercy.
No one is perfect, but because of Christ we have an opportunity to become perfected as we try harder to be even a little better every time we slip up. Sometimes, our temptations are there to remind us just how much we really need to rely on the atonement and the savior’s love. We can’t do this alone and we don’t have to.
Like it says in Joshua 1:9, “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”
We are his lambs, he is the shepherd of our hearts.